More lessons...

So yesterday was a lot of emotional ups and downs. It started out with an urgent phone call asking me to come into church early and do something I had never done before--making me incredibly nervous and uptight. It peaked with an experience that had me seriously freaking out--my laptop's adapter decided to up and die on me. When I needed it most.

See, I needed it to run the Power Point presentation and other things for a special event that was going on. Of the two nights this thing was running, this was probably the night that was less crucial, but still...

I had been spending the whole day being distracted by person after person and thing after thing. I had even tried to go and escape for a little bit and enter into my "zone" away from others. It didn't work--they found me and interrupted me yet again.

I wasn't prepared, and I hate not being prepared. And to top off the stress that was mounting from me not being prepared, the incident with my adapter happened. And I didn't realize it until my laptop's battery popped up a warning saying that it was going to shut itself down soon if I didn't get it charged.

Here's a tip, guys: when a gal calls you and asks for help, don't start getting into details right off the bat. Say something like "Sure, I'll try to help you" or even ask "How can I help you?" Only after you've done that, should you ask for details as far as what in particular is going on and try to get a better idea of how to fix it.

I love my dad, and I know he was trying to help in his own way, but it actually tipped me closer to the edge than I already was when he started asking me for details before saying "Yes, I'll help" (or at least try).

And of course, as I'm trying to get things ironed out with my dad, there were a few other people who were looking for me to add songs and do things that I needed my laptop for.

I asked a couple of friends to pray for me (via text message) because I could tell that I was getting seriously freaked out and being waaaaaaay too emotional about it all. I've only been to that point of exhaustion emotionally a few times, and let me tell you, it scares me when I get like that. I have no control over my emotions. I start crying at the drop of a hat. Normally I'm a pretty even-keel person who goes with the flow fairly well, so when I'm emotionally unstable like that, I feel out of control and when I feel out of control like that, it scares me.

A dear friend of mine offered her laptop, which had both of the programs I needed in order to get things going. She drove from her house out to where I was, but by the time she arrived, they had found a solution for me.

One of the sound technicians for the event had a spare laptop adapter that was the same specs as my own adapter. He needed it to run a program with the sound system, but he offered it up, saying that what I had to do was more important than that program. Which, for him to give up one of his toys like that, was a pretty big deal.

So when my friend showed up and I explained that we had a solution that was going to work, she got out of the car, came around and gave me a hug. And I started breaking down again (ugh...I'm starting to break down again just thinking about the situation). She said something about God's peace being in me. And I found myself desperately struggling to remember what was said in Philippians 4:6,7.

I realized now, that it scared me even more that I couldn't recall that verse, a verse that was so powerful and I knew would speak directly to where my heart was at that moment. I felt so off-kilter for the rest of the evening because of this one simple event.

It showed in how I handled the slides, too. And also in how I related to others over the course of the night.

One of the guys in the group came up to me after we had run through the plan for the evening (he had given me a thumb drive to upload a song and get it up on the screen). I handed over the thumb drive and he asked me if I could use some prayer.

At the time, I moaned inwardly because I felt like if someone prayed for me it would be the one thing that would tip me completely over the edge and I wouldn't make it through the rest of the evening.

I felt so bad for telling him thanks, but no thanks...that I had been praying throughout the course of the time since I found out that my adapter was dead until that moment. But in thinking about it a few minutes later, it occurred to me that this might just be one of the many lessons that God has been trying to teach me about relying on Him and His strength to carry me through. To let not only those whom I ask to pray for me do so, but also to let others pray for me when they want to. I never did catch him alone so that I could say thank you again for asking to pray for me and that I truly did appreciate it. I'm hoping that the next time I see him that I'll actually have the courage to go forward and thank him again.

So, two lessons from yesterday's events:
1) Let others pray for me, regardless of whether or not I feel I can hold myself together while they do
2) Make memorizing Scripture more of a habit--I've been slacking on this far too long and I know that when I focus on the Word that closely, it comes to mind more readily and is the source of comfort it was meant to be.

And in case you're curious about the verse I was racking my brain for, I eventually remembered it this evening.

Be anxious about nothing, but in everything, with prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus our Lord.

~ Philippians 4:6,7