But while he was still a long way off...

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel says:
"In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it..."
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
He rises to show you compassion.
For the Lord is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for Him!
~ Isaiah 30:15, 18 ~

Sovereign: Having supreme power, rank or authority. Greatest in degree; utmost or extreme. Being above all others in character, importance, excellence, etc... (swiped from http://www.dictionary.com)

Holy: Set apart. Specially recognized as or declared sacred by religious use or authority; consecrated.

Consecrated: To make or declare sacred; set apart or dedicated to the service of a deity. To devote or dedicate to some purpose.

Isaiah 30:15 is a verse that was suggested for further reflection at the end of chapter 3 of Stressed-Less Living by Tracie Miles.

This past weekend at the women's workshops that I attended, Christy Perez talked about the things that we need to weed out of our lives and then plant into our lives in order to live in a more godly (and compassionate) manner. When I read the above passage, it got me to thinking that repentance, rest, quietness and trust would all be things that God would want me to plant in the garden of my heart.

I was thinking about looking up the meaning of each of those words, but I decided to look up the adjectives describing God: sovereign and holy.

And there I was temporarily stuck.

It occurred to me that if I don't have at least a basic understanding of those two words, the rest of it (repentance, rest, quietness, and trust) would not come very easily...most likely not out of a heart that is responding to God as a sovereign being nor as a holy being.

There were several phrases for each of these definitions. I picked the ones that caught my eye or that I already knew.

The two that really grabbed my attention were: "Greatest in degeree; utmost or extreme" and "To devote or dedicate to some purpose".

The first one is definitely something that comes to mind when I think about God. And it's when I think of Him in those terms that I tend to feel a sense of separation from Him--as though on my own, I am not enough. I cannot relate to Him as I wish.

There are several places in the Bible that make this point painfully clear. The beginning of the book of Romans, for instance. Here's another:

Once you were alientaed from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior.
~ Colossians 1:21 ~

It doesn't get much clearer than that.

If God is at the extreme end of everything that is good and pure, then we (being His enemies) must be at the extreme end of everything that is bad and unclean.

But God offered us a way to be made clean--to become holy, as it were.

But now He has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death
to present you holy in His sight, without blemish and free from accusation...
~ Colossians 1:22 ~

It was through Christ's death that our debt for our sin was paid (Romans 3:23-26, 6:23) and we were made clean.

But there is a step that we, and we alone, must take.

Repentance: Deep sorrow, compunction, or contrition for a past sin, wrongdoing or the like...

Not so much one of our favorite words when we're not ready to let go of our sin. That one coupled with confession makes us cringe when we know that there is something there that we're just not quite ready to admit to or change in our lives.

My own area that I'm struggling with right now is with the TV and just how much TV I watch. It's something that I have had constantly going in the background while I doing my quiet time or while doing other things, trying to justify it by saying that i needed it on so that i had background noise of some sort.

But the truth is, it started occupying my thoughts far more than it should. And it would seep into my consciousness when I should have been focusing on God.

And for so long I have tried to deny that it's been a problem. When asked to, I half-heartedly repented of it. But that's the thing with repentance--it cannot ever really and truly be done half-heartedly.

I heard somewhere before that to repent means to do a U-turn--to turn around 180 degrees and not look back.

But that was something I kept doing--looking back. I haven't completely weeded that particular sin out of my heart.

And I'm sure there are several different reasons why...most of them relating to fear of some sort. Fear that I'll be bored, for one. Fear that I won't be able to relax any other way. Fear of what other things God would have me try to weed out of my life once that one is gone.

Just being honest.

Today, though, I was working on my lesson for next week's Joy book ("Stuck" by Jennie Allen) and she talked quite a bit about the idols we have in our life. And how, often, those idols are tied in with some sort of fear.

And while I have known for quite some time that my TV has been an idol in my life that I have needed to deal with, I haven't been ready to let go of the fear that I've felt.

But now, I think, I'm ready. A bit anxious about what I'm going to do with my free time, but ready just the same.

The thing that keeps coming to mind is the first part of Isaiah 30:18:

 

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
He rises to show you compassion...

When I read that verse, it reminded me so strongly of the story of the prodigal son.

Each of us, like this young man, have tried to go our own way--seeking a way to live apart from our Heavenly Father. But there comes a point and time when we discover that those things that we were chasing after are really not the best things for us. In fact, they are the worst things for us. And we find ourselves desiring something more--a way for our needs and this gaping hole within us to be filled.

When the son was ready to repent, he said:

How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!
I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: "Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.
I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men."
~ Luke 15:17-19 ~

And the thing that gets me is that the father in this story didn't even need to hear what the son had to say.

 

But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
~ Luke 15:20b ~

The son didn't even make it to the door--the father was that eager to show him his love and compassion. He was moved to action--wanting to celebrate the return of his son in a big way.

Historians say that the father's rush to greet his son was actually something that was considerd undignified in that day and age. He would have had to hike up his robes and undergarments to come racing towards the son, showing his lower legs (something that was frowned upon at that time). The extent of the affection that he showed his son when he embraced him would probably have been frowned upon as well, for it was far too much to be shown in public.

But he didn't care one iota.

All he wanted to do was show his son his love.

Just like the father longed for his son to return so that he could lavish his love upon him, God desires to do this with us even more.

That was something new I had learned last night from Louie Giglio--that the word "prodigal" actually means "lavish". And not just in the sense of overspending or extravagant/sinful lifestyle, but to the extreme of anything. As extravagant and costly as the son's lifestyle was, his father's was more so.

But the father said to his servants, "Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him.
Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate.
For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found."
~ Luke 15:22-24a ~

Honestly, if I were the one writing this passage, there would have been exclamation points all over this dialogue, not just after the word "quick". :)

I honestly believe this is God's reaction whenever one of His children repents. He wants to celebrate that in a big way. Because coming from death--whether it be physical death, spiritual death, emotional death, relational death, or otherwise--to life is a big deal.

And somehow that reassurance hit me anew last night while Louie Giglio was speaking. That the angels in heaven rejoice just as much over my repentance after nearly 20 years of being a Christian as they do over someone else who has never been a Christian or believer.

The idea that repentance was even something to celebrate had never really entered my mind. Repentance is supposed to be this solemn affair and is traditionally treated as such.

But in God's eyes, it's something that is worth celebrating.

Big time!

God grant me the serenity...

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

 

~ Reinhold Niebuhr ~

 

 

As I was working through listing those things that make me stressed, how I feel about them, how the problems have been affecting my life, and then considering whether or not I have the power/ability to change them, the above prayer jumped into my head.

 

There is so much truth packed into that little prayer.  So many of the things that cause me great stress are those things that I cannot control.

 

I've been thinking an awful lot about responsibility lately.  taking responsibility for our own choices is something that I think tends to get overlooked.  For some reason, we tend to think that it's easier to play the blame game.  And it's not something that is unique to my generation or even the younger generations--you see it way back with Adam and Eve after God asks Adam why he had sinned and was hiding in the garden:

 

"The woman YOU gave me!"

 

And then Eve isn't too far behind:

 

"It was the serpant!"

 

While I do want to hide when I make a bad choice and I do want to blame others, sometimes there is a feeling of cleansing that washes over me after I confess that I made the choice and try to accept the consequences for those actions.

 

Something that I have been struggling with a lot lately has been my schedule.  I tend to overcommit myself to different things.  It seems like every moment of every day is packed to the gills.  This week would be a great example.

 

Sunday: Check on the place I'm housesitting before going to church (church from 9-10:30), meeting at a coffee shop from 11-12:30, Hanging out with a friend at her house from 12:30 until 4, hanging out with her at church from 4-6, checking on the place I'm housesitting from 6-6:30, rush home for dinner...and before I know it the day just disappears from me.

 

Monday: Work from 8:30 to 5.  A relatively easy (and oddly free) day.

 

Tuesday: Work from 8:30 to 5.  From 5-9 be at church for women's Bible study group

 

Wednesday: Work from 8:30 to 5.  From 5-5:30 catch up on e-mails (sort of) and prepare slides for the music on Sunday morning.  5:30-6:30, training on how to start up and use the cameras at church for an event on Saturday.  6:30-9, small group...

 

You get the idea.

 

And this doesn't include the things that come in like my e-mail exploding with things for the workshops we're holding this weekend, or the things I do on my lunch break, like working on different Bible studies, running errands, eating, etc...

 

Ugh...my blood pressure is rising just thinking about it.

 

So, when it comes to things that I can change and taking responsibility, my schedule is definitely one thing that I could take better control over.  While I cannot help things like people e-mailing me and trying to communicate different things, I can control whether or not I participate in those things.  I can also control (to a degree) how I react to those things.

 

I can try to refocus myself by reminding myself of the bigger picture--that there is a purpose behind those things.  Or I can choose to forget that and get bogged down in the smaller details.

 

And I've done enough special events to know that the week leading up to the actual event can be CRAZY.

 

So, knowing that this week could be nuts with the event coming up this weekend, I did a couple of things to help ease my burden.

 

I worked on my lesson for my Tuesday night Bible study last week when I had more free time.

 

I came home earlier than I normally would have from my friend's house so that I could work on some things tonight.

 

I worked on a couple of different things Monday, Tuesday, and last night so that I wouldn't be overwhelmed with so many last minute details.

 

But probably the best thing that I did this week?

 

I gave my schedule over to God.

 

And while this week has been a pretty insane week as far as my schedule goes--it hasn't been anywhere near as bad as it could have been.

 

I had a free night Monday night.

 

My training on Wednesday night ended early so I was actually able to make it to my small group (about a 15 minute drive from where my training was) not just on time, but 2 minutes early.

 

I actually have not been overwhelmed with all of the e-mails that have been coming in.

 

When I felt myself starting to get overwhelmed, I took a deep breath, prayed that God would help me to find peace and not go there, and then found that I had received an e-mail from someone checking in to see how I was doing.  They were actually making sure that I was not getting overwhelmed and letting me know that they were praying for me in that area.

 

God is so good.

 

Something that God has been teaching me about this year has been to live with intent--to be purposeful in my interactions with others.  Particularly to be purposeful with the time that I spend with them.

 

Little things like not just turning on the TV when my nephew comes over and watch a show with him (although that can be a good way to spend some time), but to actually interact with him by doing some sort of activity.

 

The last time we got together, we went to a movie together, but we also went to the park and played on the playground, we went and got ice cream, and we just spent time hanging out and talking.

 

I don't know who loved it more; him, or me.

 

You know, I didn't realize it, but there's far more to the serenity prayer than what most people quote.  It's that last part that speaks to my heart about how I spend my time and how God wants me to use the time that I have been given with intent:

 

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

~ Reinhold Niebuhr ~

 

The verse that keeps popping into my head is one that we were asked to focus on this week.

"So don't worry about these things, saying 'What will we eat?  What will we drink?  What will we wear?' These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.  Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.  "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring it's own worries.  Today's trouble is enough for today."

~ Matthew 6:31-34

It's that last part--"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring it's own worries.  Today's trouble is enough for today"--that keeps getting me.

So often when I get wrapped up in my overly scheduled life, I tend to forget that I'm supposed to be taking things one day at a time, one moment at a time.  I'm not supposed to be worrying about what's coming next.  I'm not supposed to be worrying about the hardships that come my way.

I'm supposed to trust that He will fulfill His promise that He will make all things work together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28) and that I am to live out the verse that I claim as my life verse:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

and lean not on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

and He will make your paths straight.

~ Proverbs 3:5,6 ~

 

When things don't seem to make sense and I have a difficult time accepting them, I need to return to the basics.

 

Committing my schedule and myself to God and trusting Him with the outcome.  Remembering that, while I don't necessarily like the world as it is and how it interrupts my plans, there is a purpose in that and God is ultimately in control.

 

And in the meantime, enjoying every moment that I can and living each of those moments with intent.

Let me know the struggle ends...

This week began the start of a new Bible study for me.  It's based out of a book called "Stressed-Less Living" by Tracie Miles.  Something I immediately liked about the book was that it was "Stressed-Less"--meaning that we wouldn't be leading lives that were entirely free from stress, but that it would be lessened.  Such a refreshing, realistic approach to life that I don't recall really seeing too much of before this book.

I need to confess, when I was first considering reading the book, I wasn't really sure about it.  In fact, the idea of reading the book was kind of making me stress out.

Okay, more than kinda.

It was totally making me stress out.

But as I was praying about it and considering my options for this spring, I came to the conclusion that it might just be something I needed to read and that I didn't have to do every single thing that was listed as an activity for the online Bible study that I'm taking part in.

Not that the activities would not be good things to do--it was just that I needed to take into consideration that if the idea of doing the activities was causing more stress, it would probably be counterproductive in my pursuit of living a less-stressed life.

And somehow, I didn't think that the people running the study intended for their ideas to be a burden.

But you know what I have found out this week as we have been beginning the study?

I have been eager to take part in reading the book and answering the questions, as well as taking part in the other activities that have been going on (so far) with the study.

This week also marked the beginning of a new session at our women's Bible study group.  We're taking a look at the book "Stuck" by Jennie Allen.  In that study, Jennie asks us to take a look at different areas of our lives where we feel the most...well, stuck.

As I've been thinking about those areas in my life where I feel like I either keep returning to the same problems (repeating them over and over again) or I cannot seem to make any sort of headway, it occurred to me that those areas of my life are the same areas that often cause me the most stress.

Go figure.

My finances.

My workplace.

At times, my family life and relationships...

And so much more...

These are all areas where I feel stuck and I find I struggle with stress.

This first chapter was interesting and a bit of a challenge for me to read.  There were a couple of points that Tracie made that I thought were really eye-opening for me.

The first (and probably most significant one) was the idea that I needed to take responsibility for those areas where my choices have led to feelings of stress, anxiety, and just a general state of being overwhelmed.

There are areas where I accept that fact more easily than other areas.  For instance, when it comes to my finances, I'm the only one that spends the money that goes into my account.  Therefore, I'm the only to blame when I spend too much or get myself into trouble.

That particular area is one that I have just resigned myself to accepting the blame.

And yes, occasionally, doing so has led me to condemn myself or feel frustrated that I can never seem to get out of the pit that I've dug for myself.  But, at the same time, there is a bit of reassurance that comes with knowing that it is within my power to change that.

But there are other areas of my life where I struggle with stress (particularly when it comes to managing my time) and it didn't down on me until recently that a lot of it is of my own doing.

With regards to managing my time, it usually is because I have overcommitted myself (just ask anyone who knows me well, this is a dangerous habit of mine).  But some of it is outside of my control.  Things like when two groups that I'm part of decide to schedule meetings on the same day or even at the same time.

Throw in the extra factor of me having something that I am already committed to happening at the same time as the two other things (like last week when two committes I was part of wanted to meet at the same time my small group is held).

Can you say STRESSED?

It was only recently that I finally started to speak up and say that I couldn't make those things because I had a prior commitment.  More importantly, I finally came to a point where I decided that if they were going to meet at a time when I couldn't make it, then I probably didn't need to be at that meeting or (if necessary) I could find some other way to get the information that was discussed.

This decision was not made out of a sense of not caring about the groups that I was part of, nor out of some sort of selfish thought like "Well, if they can't accomodate me and the times I'm available, then I don't want to be part of it"...but rather it was out of the realization that something needed to be done to reduce my stress levels. In order to do that, I just flat-out needed to say "No" to something.

And honestly, while I was struggling with it initially (feeling guilty about not being there and not demonstrating what I thought was 100% commitment), it really led me to a place where I began to feel a sense of peace about the decision I had made.

And I really think that was God's way of honoring the decision that I had made.

The story of Mary and Martha from Luke keeps running through my head.  And how Jesus told Mary that martha was doing the "one thing" that was needed--spending time at Jesus' feet.

So many times we multitask and end up spreading ourselves too thin, thinking that we are far more efficient and better when we accomplish many things at one time.

But the truth of the matter is, while we may be able to do a bunch of things at once and complete them, the work that we do is not necessarily our best work.

And that is not what God wants from us.

So often lately I've heard people say that they can either do a few things at one time--and have those things be done half-heartedly and poorly, or they can do one thing at a time and do it well.

And that, I think, is what God wants from us.

He would rather have us do one thing well than have us do a hundred things poorly.

As I was thinking about this, something that I came to realize is just how much help I need in this area of my life.

Lately I have been worn down and tired.  Easily and thoroughly distracted.  Not really able to do anything very well.  And I've been cranky to boot.

Making me *sarcasm* oh so fun *end sarcasm* to be around.

And the stress from being cranky, worn out, exhausted, distracted, and unable to do anything well has only exacerbated the problem and made me that much more cranky, worn out, exhausted, distracted...etc...

Thereby making me feel like I'm stuck and forced to live out a stress-filled life.

But the thing that Tracie kept pointing out in this first chapter of "Stressed-Less Living" was that we do not need to live a stress-filled life.  In fact, God does not want that for us.  There is a reason why our bodies react negatively to that kind of living--God made it that way as a warning sign to us that we should be doing something different.

As I got to thinking about my desire to become un-stuck from this stress-filled life, and moving into a less-stressed life, the lines from this song came to mind:

(I'm worn)
My prayers are wearing thin
(Yeah, I'm worn)
Even before the day begins
(Yeah, I'm worn)
I've lost my will to fight
(Yeah, I'm worn)
So heaven come and fill my eyes

Let me know redemption wins
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart
That's frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside
Can be reborn

Cuz I'm worn...

There are days where my prayers don't seem to be very effective and I'm just flat-out tired of trying to cope with everything that has been coming my way.  The hardest times for me can be the mornings--I just want to hole up in my room sometimes and not face the outside world.  A bit reminiscent of the idea of a child that thinks hiding under the covers can keep everything that's bad at bay.

What I love about this song is that throughout each of the verses, the singer is reminding himself of what God can do in a situation.

Redemption does win.

The struggle will end.

Your frail and torn heart can be mended.

A song can rise from the ashes of a broken life.

And God is most definitely in the business of resurrecting dead things.

But the key is, we have to take a step back and let Him.

We have to come to the realization that we are weak and admit that we are unable to control everything that is happening in our world.  We have to recognize that He is the one that can ultimately control our situation.  And we have to also realize that there are some things in our lives that we need to take responsibility for, confess before God, and then turn it all over to Him.

It is only then that we can know His peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:6,7).

It is only then that we can understand that His strength is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

And it is only then that we can find reassurance in His promises, like in Isaiah 41:10:

Don't be afraid, for I am with you.

Don't be discouraged, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you.

I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

 

For those of us who are worn, tired of being stuck, and in the grip of stress, God will provide the help we need right when we need it.  He will give us the strength we need to get through that circumstance.  He will give us courage--knowing that He is with us in the midst of the things that worry us the most.  And He will give us encouragement when we rest in the knowledge that He is God--holy, all-powerful, completely-in-control, God.

 

 

 

Worn

As sung by Tenth Avenue North

 

I'm tired and worn

My heart is heavy

From the work it takes

To keep on breathing

 

I've made mistakes

I've let my hope fail

My soul is crushed

By the weight of this world

 

And I know that You can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

 

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn

 

I wanna know a song can rise

from the ashes of a broken life

and all that's dead inside

can be reborn

 

Cuz I'm worn

 

I know I need to lift my eyes up

But I'm too weak

Life just won't let up

 

And I know that You can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

from the ashes of a broken life

and all that's dead inside

can be reborn

(I'm worn)

My prayers are wearing thin

(Yeah, I'm worn)

Even before the day begins

(Yeah, I'm worn)

I've lost my will to fight

(Yeah, I'm worn)

So heaven come and fill my eyes

Let me know redemption wins

Let me know the struggle ends

That You can mend a heart

That's frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that's dead inside

Can be reborn

Yes, all that's dead inside

will be reborn

 

Well, I'm worn...

 

Yeah, I'm worn