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As corny as this introduction may sound, I really feel the things below.
Today marks the beginning of a fresh start. A new year, filled with new opportunities, new experiences, new friends, new promises, and new beginnings...As I told a friend of mine last night, I am so glad to know that it is no longer 2013--that there is a chance that this next year will be better than the last has been.
So I'm trying to do what I can to start it off right. And I feel pretty good about things so far (lol, even if we're not even 24 hours into the new year just yet).
I joined up with the winter wellness challenge (www.sparkpeople.com/resource/winter-wellness.asp) and would encourage others to do the same. It's a thirty day challenge that seems simple enough. Plus, it saves me the trouble of having to sit down and figure out my own day-to-day challenges for the month. :)
Why reinvent the wheel when you don't have to, right?
I've weighed in and measured myself.
No exercising yet today, but I have tracked my food, so that's a start.
And I feel as though God has given me a couple of different things to focus on this year.
My Words for the Year
***Experience
***Intentional
***Joy
This year, I really believe that God is encouraging me to truly experience things. To try things that I have never done before. Perhaps go places I've never been before. And to not shy away from things that have held me back.
Intentional is a carry-over from 2013. I really don't think I learned what it was to be intentional about things. To be in intentional in my relationships with others (particularly God), intentional with my time, and intentional about the things I do and say.
Joy has its root in the stuff that happened in 2013. Joy is something that has been lacking in my life and I would really like to experience again--in spite of everything that has happened or will happen.
And yes, I put them in that order for a reason (Ha! Look! I'm already being intentional!). I don't know if it's possible, but I would love to Experience Intentional Joy.
Physical Goals
***To lose weight (not very specific, I know, but this will be better defined as the year goes on)
***To be able to make it through a weekend without needing a nap
The main thing that has been happening lately is that I have felt as though I have no energy. Usually, I get enough sleep at night, but it's either not very good sleep or something else is going on. I suspect a lot of it has to do with the fact that I haven't been very physically active. I know that I sleep better when I am physically active and don't feel as though I need to pause in the middle of my day to take naps (unless I've been up too late night at night and get up too early in the morning).
Spiritual Goals (NOTE: these are subject to change, depending on how the Lord leads)
***Go through A Woman's Guide to Reading The Bible in a Year by Diane Stortz as my Bible Reading Plan
***Read Daily Wisdom for Women as my devotional each day
***Learn more about Jesus and His character by reading books about Him and about the Gospel (and of course, by actually reading the Bible!)
First Focus: The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey)
***Focus on Prayer
January's focus is going to be using a calendar with different attributes of God and praying through each of those different qualities, making note of any pertinent Scriptures that God would bring to my attention). This is in line with the study that we will be doing at Joy in the Evening this winter called Experiencing God.
I'm hoping to develop each of these things as the year goes on, defining them a bit better and sharing what God has been teaching me in each of these areas. For now, this is a start!
Wednesday, January 01, 2014
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Blessings in Disguise
I must confess, I was not looking forward to 2013. There is a part of me that is slightly superstitious, so the thought of enduring a year with "13" in it was not something I was desiring to do. But, since I have no control over the calendar, through it I went.
For the most part, it's been a year like any other year, and yet in some respects, it's been a year unlike any other year.
It's been a difficult one, to be sure.
And I, for one, am looking forward to the new year, a fresh start, a blank slate, and the promise of something better.
In the past year, I've managed to gain 30 pounds. I've managed to go up at least 2 sizes in jeans and 1 size in shirts.
In so many ways, I feel like 2013 was a year of loss. Loss of my family as I once knew it. Loss of my ability to move and function in a healthy manner. Loss of my confidence. Loss of the woman I once knew.
And yet in some other ways 2013 was a year of gains.
I have gained a circle of friends who I am pleased to call my church family. These people have been with me through thick and thin. In the midst of my grandfather passing away and other events in my family, they have supported me in ways that I could not imagine nor express. I am so thankful that God has placed these people in my life to hold me up in prayer and be His hands and feet here on earth.
I have gained a small group outside of Joy in the Evening that challenges me to grow more, strengthens me, encourages me, and makes me laugh like no one else.
I have gained deeper relationships with my close friends.
Most importantly--I have gained a deeper understanding of who God is and what faith is all about. There are things that I would have never understood, never appreciated, never knew personally, had God stopped the difficulties that came my way.
Things like:
***When I am going through my darkest season of doubt, God is right there beside me.
***When I need it the most, God will provide people to speak into my life and to sit with me
***When I am mad at God, He remains
***When hard things come my way, the one thing that I can always count on is God. He is constant in a world that is always changing
***Though I try to push God away, He is faithful to show me the depth of His love for me
***That it's worth loving someone--every time. Yes, you will in likelihood lose them at some point, but it's worth loving them fully.
***God's blessings sometimes come through raindrops and His healing does come through tears. And yes, sometimes a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know He's near.
***Though we cannot always trace God's hand, we can (and must) trust His heart
While many of these things were things that I knew in my head and trusted to be true, this year was the first time that I've experienced these truths firsthand.
I'm not quite at the point where I'd be willing to say with 100% certainty that these gains are worth all of the loss that I've experienced this past year. But I'm trusting that the time will come when I'll be able to declare it boldly.
For now, it's enough that I can say that these trials have reaped some blessings for me and my relationship with God.
Truly, God gives us His mercies in the disguise of the trials of this life.
For the most part, it's been a year like any other year, and yet in some respects, it's been a year unlike any other year.
It's been a difficult one, to be sure.
And I, for one, am looking forward to the new year, a fresh start, a blank slate, and the promise of something better.
In the past year, I've managed to gain 30 pounds. I've managed to go up at least 2 sizes in jeans and 1 size in shirts.
In so many ways, I feel like 2013 was a year of loss. Loss of my family as I once knew it. Loss of my ability to move and function in a healthy manner. Loss of my confidence. Loss of the woman I once knew.
And yet in some other ways 2013 was a year of gains.
I have gained a circle of friends who I am pleased to call my church family. These people have been with me through thick and thin. In the midst of my grandfather passing away and other events in my family, they have supported me in ways that I could not imagine nor express. I am so thankful that God has placed these people in my life to hold me up in prayer and be His hands and feet here on earth.
I have gained a small group outside of Joy in the Evening that challenges me to grow more, strengthens me, encourages me, and makes me laugh like no one else.
I have gained deeper relationships with my close friends.
Most importantly--I have gained a deeper understanding of who God is and what faith is all about. There are things that I would have never understood, never appreciated, never knew personally, had God stopped the difficulties that came my way.
Things like:
***When I am going through my darkest season of doubt, God is right there beside me.
***When I need it the most, God will provide people to speak into my life and to sit with me
***When I am mad at God, He remains
***When hard things come my way, the one thing that I can always count on is God. He is constant in a world that is always changing
***Though I try to push God away, He is faithful to show me the depth of His love for me
***That it's worth loving someone--every time. Yes, you will in likelihood lose them at some point, but it's worth loving them fully.
***God's blessings sometimes come through raindrops and His healing does come through tears. And yes, sometimes a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know He's near.
***Though we cannot always trace God's hand, we can (and must) trust His heart
While many of these things were things that I knew in my head and trusted to be true, this year was the first time that I've experienced these truths firsthand.
I'm not quite at the point where I'd be willing to say with 100% certainty that these gains are worth all of the loss that I've experienced this past year. But I'm trusting that the time will come when I'll be able to declare it boldly.
For now, it's enough that I can say that these trials have reaped some blessings for me and my relationship with God.
Truly, God gives us His mercies in the disguise of the trials of this life.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
It's a constant choice...
2013 has been....well, rather rough, to say the least. Job-wise and socially things have been going okay--even great at times. But my family...The dynamics of my family have shifted so dramatically over the last few months that I can't even begin to define them anymore.
Every time I start to settle in to what seems like our new "normal", it changes on me.
And for those of you who know me, I don't always handle change very well.
There are several things that I have been learning as I have gone through this process and even more areas where I am having to learn to trust God.
What I Am Learning
1) There is no support system like the Body of Christ.
I think this is where I have learned and grown the most over the last several months. The night that I found out my grandfather had passed away, I was at Joy in the Evening (a women's Bible study group where I lead). I was actually in the sound booth preparing for the evening when I got the call from my mom.
Immediately after receiving the news, I knew in my heart that (as hard as the night was going to be) there was nowhere else I wanted to be. My brother and my parents are not believers. My mom was in Boise with Grandma and Grandpa anyway. And while my brother and my dad were here in town, I knew that they wouldn't be able to support me in the way that I needed.
What I needed at that moment (and what God so richly provided) was a group of amazing women to come alongside me, wrap me in hug after hug after hug, and prayer after prayer after prayer. A dear friend brought me a fantastic dinner, and several people stepped up to fulfill the roles that I was supposed to play that night, taking a burden off of my shoulders.
The following night, my small group came alongside me as well in prayer, offering a different kind of support, but a good kind of support.
Since that time, there have been many days where I have broken down entirely and lost all ability to cope. And constantly, God has placed people in my path or helped me to reach out to them to let them know that I am in need.
2) When I am in need, I have to say something. The Holy Spirit will not always prompt someone to contact or pray for me at just the right moment without me actually saying something to them about that need.
It could seem like a prideful thing--like I have to operate independently of the Holy Spirit, doing His job. That's not what I mean at all. There are times when I have to voice just how needy I am. Not necessarily to bring it to the attention of others, but for me to realize just how broken I am and how desparately I need God to help me in my brokenness.
3) It's okay to share with others.
I come from a family who (like a lot of families) doesn't like to "air their dirty laundry". There are several reasons and rationalizations for this. A lot of them stem from bad experiences in the past. I know, because I have been hurt in the past when I shared something and someone took advantage of my vulnerability and hurt me and then I threw up barriers as a result.
Building up walls to block out others is not always the healthy option, my friends. Yes, we are to guard our hearts with all diligence, but we are also meant to have gates and passageways into our hearts so that we allow others in. To cut ourselves off entirely is to remove a very important tool that God longs to use in our lives.
This doesn't mean that we tell EVERYBODY every single little thing that is going on in our lives (good, bad, and ugly). We need to have key people (at least two) who we can turn to when we find we are in need.
For awhile, I kept silent about what was going on in the lives of my family. But there came a point where it was eating me alive. I was wearing one face around my small group, an entirely different one at home, and yet another one with other people. I couldn't keep up with it anymore.
The burden of my pain and heartbreak for my family became too much for me to bear. And so I told my small group. That night, something within me broke loose and I felt a huge burden come off my shoulders. And a sense of peace washed over me. A peace that has been rather elusive lately.
Which leads me to my next point...
4) Sometimes we have to clear the junk out of our hearts in order to make room for what God wants to put in there.
About a month ago, I was reading the story about Hannah, the mother of Samuel. She was barren and had been tormented by her husband's second wife for years. The Bible said that one day, "In bitterness of soul", she went to the temple to pray to the Lord.
The phrase "bitterness of soul" caught my attention. I don't think of myself as a really bitter person, but I do know that bitterness is something that I can easily fall into if I'm not careful.
So I asked the Lord "Is there any area in my life where I am suffering from 'bitterness of soul'?"
Yeesh...be careful what you ask the Lord sometimes.
God started bringing to mind thing after thing after thing regarding my circumstances. He gently pointed out that, although these were not areas where I was bitter yet, they were areas where I had unresolved anger. And I know from past experience that anger that is not dealt with will just become bitterness.
So that night I sat and confessed to God all of the different things I was angry about (particularly the areas where I was angry with Him).
Since then, I feel like I have been constantly confessing areas where I have fallen short or areas where I have allowed anger to rise up again. And there are days when I feel so defeated and seriously wonder just how loveable I really am.
But then...God is faithful to remind me of His deep, deep love for me. And slowly that anger, resentment, sense of defeat, were all replaced with a sense of love, compassion, and gentleness that I couldn't define.
Things that I wouldn't have been able to experience if I hadn't cleared out the junk that was lurking in my heart first.
Promises I Am Trying to Cling To
1) God is in control.
Nothing that has happened over the course of this last year has caught Him by surprise. Although it may feel like I'm constantly being stretched to my breaking point and cannot bear up under the load that has been placed on me, He knows when to draw the line.
2) God will provide me strength when I am at my weakest.
This has been demonstrated through the people that He has brought into my life (like I mentioned above). It has also been shown when He brings a certain passage, lesson, or line from a song to my attention. Those seemingly tiny things can encourage me to take one more step and strengthen my spirit for one more moment.
3) God is able to do anything, no matter how hopeless the situation may seem.
This one is one of the biggest struggles. I am constantly having to remind myself that God can do anything. To the point where it's become a phrase that I have become numb to and casually dismiss.
But then, God brings to mind an area where I am not trusting His ability and I am brought to my knees and the cycle starts all over again. "God is able...God is able...God is able..."
4) Regardless of my circumstances, God is good.
This means that, even though He chooses to allow bad circumstances to happen, His character has not changed--He is still good. He is not a mean, spiteful, or vindictive Being, but a loving, faithful, forgiving One.
5) God can be fully trusted with the people and things that comprise my world.
To be perfectly honest, I can't help but feel that if I really trusted that God is in control, He has more than enough strength, He is able to anything and He is good, then it'd be far easier for me to entrust the people in my life (particularly my family) to Him.
At the Women of Faith Conference this past weekend, they played one of my favorite worship songs "Healer". I was trying to sing along, but stopped because I sensed questions rising up in my spirit (whether they were from God or they were my own is something I'm not sure about).
I believe You're my healer (Do you really?)
I believe You are all I need (Then why do you long for so many other things?)
I believe You're my portion (How much of your portion?)
I believe You're more than enough for me (Do you really?)
Jesus You're all I need
Nothing is impossible for You (Do you really believe that?)
Nothing is impossible
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands
It was when they sang "You hold my world in Your hands" that I broke. The realization that God truly does hold my world, those things and people that I hold near and dear, in His hands. And the realization that I didn't like what He was letting happen in my world. As though (as arrogant as it sounds), I could do a better job than He was doing.
That night, alone in my hotel room, I wrestled with God. I poured out a ton of ugly things from my heart and begged Him for answers to different things. I even wrote a question/fear that had been nagging at my heart:
If God chooses not to answer my prayer in the way that I want Him to, will I still see Him as good? I honestly don't know. And the thought scares and saddens me. Lord, show me Your good in the middle of this mess.
I was reminded of the head coach and his wife from "Facing the Giants". When they were struggling with their grief over realizing that it would be impossible for them to have a baby of their own, he asked her "Even if God doesn't give us a child, will you still love Him?" At the time, she didn't give him an answer.
But then, towards the end of the movie, when her last hope of pregnancy seems to be gone, she tells God that she has resolved to still love Him, regardless of whether or not that hope was going to be fulfilled.
There is a resolve there that I sensed in my own heart.
Even through all of the questioning, the doubt, the hurt, the pain, and everything else, I knew/know one thing. Lysa Terkeurst put it so eloquently in a Facebook post she made recently:
The one thing I know for sure is that I do not wish to walk away from God. He has proven Himself time and time again. And I know that if I'm patient during this time, and stick with Him, doing whatever He asks me to do, He will do it yet again.
There is one final area where I'm trying to trust God:
That He would bring me joy in the midst of these circumstances.
Tonight, I had the privilege of attending a living room concert by Jon Troast. He's a pretty neat guy who loves going from house to house, sharing his music with others. One of the songs he did resonated with me. It was called "Joy".
But one line in particular resonated with me:
It's a constant choice
To say "I will rejoice"
Even when the tears are falling...
And my goodness, have the tears been falling lately. I am still trying to figure out what rejoicing in the midst of these tears looks like. But I am hopeful that God will show me.
Perhaps this blog entry is the start of Him showing me how to rejoice in the midst of the tears. To review the things that He has taught me and is still teaching me. To remind myself of all that He's done and remind my soul of all that He has promised to do.
It really is a constant choice...to choose to follow after God, not letting the circumstances dictate how I respond.
May I not only choose to say "I will rejoice", but may I actually rejoice.
The lyrics and a video for the song are below.
It’s a
constant choice
Every time I start to settle in to what seems like our new "normal", it changes on me.
And for those of you who know me, I don't always handle change very well.
There are several things that I have been learning as I have gone through this process and even more areas where I am having to learn to trust God.
What I Am Learning
1) There is no support system like the Body of Christ.
I think this is where I have learned and grown the most over the last several months. The night that I found out my grandfather had passed away, I was at Joy in the Evening (a women's Bible study group where I lead). I was actually in the sound booth preparing for the evening when I got the call from my mom.
Immediately after receiving the news, I knew in my heart that (as hard as the night was going to be) there was nowhere else I wanted to be. My brother and my parents are not believers. My mom was in Boise with Grandma and Grandpa anyway. And while my brother and my dad were here in town, I knew that they wouldn't be able to support me in the way that I needed.
What I needed at that moment (and what God so richly provided) was a group of amazing women to come alongside me, wrap me in hug after hug after hug, and prayer after prayer after prayer. A dear friend brought me a fantastic dinner, and several people stepped up to fulfill the roles that I was supposed to play that night, taking a burden off of my shoulders.
The following night, my small group came alongside me as well in prayer, offering a different kind of support, but a good kind of support.
Since that time, there have been many days where I have broken down entirely and lost all ability to cope. And constantly, God has placed people in my path or helped me to reach out to them to let them know that I am in need.
2) When I am in need, I have to say something. The Holy Spirit will not always prompt someone to contact or pray for me at just the right moment without me actually saying something to them about that need.
It could seem like a prideful thing--like I have to operate independently of the Holy Spirit, doing His job. That's not what I mean at all. There are times when I have to voice just how needy I am. Not necessarily to bring it to the attention of others, but for me to realize just how broken I am and how desparately I need God to help me in my brokenness.
3) It's okay to share with others.
I come from a family who (like a lot of families) doesn't like to "air their dirty laundry". There are several reasons and rationalizations for this. A lot of them stem from bad experiences in the past. I know, because I have been hurt in the past when I shared something and someone took advantage of my vulnerability and hurt me and then I threw up barriers as a result.
Building up walls to block out others is not always the healthy option, my friends. Yes, we are to guard our hearts with all diligence, but we are also meant to have gates and passageways into our hearts so that we allow others in. To cut ourselves off entirely is to remove a very important tool that God longs to use in our lives.
This doesn't mean that we tell EVERYBODY every single little thing that is going on in our lives (good, bad, and ugly). We need to have key people (at least two) who we can turn to when we find we are in need.
For awhile, I kept silent about what was going on in the lives of my family. But there came a point where it was eating me alive. I was wearing one face around my small group, an entirely different one at home, and yet another one with other people. I couldn't keep up with it anymore.
The burden of my pain and heartbreak for my family became too much for me to bear. And so I told my small group. That night, something within me broke loose and I felt a huge burden come off my shoulders. And a sense of peace washed over me. A peace that has been rather elusive lately.
Which leads me to my next point...
4) Sometimes we have to clear the junk out of our hearts in order to make room for what God wants to put in there.
About a month ago, I was reading the story about Hannah, the mother of Samuel. She was barren and had been tormented by her husband's second wife for years. The Bible said that one day, "In bitterness of soul", she went to the temple to pray to the Lord.
The phrase "bitterness of soul" caught my attention. I don't think of myself as a really bitter person, but I do know that bitterness is something that I can easily fall into if I'm not careful.
So I asked the Lord "Is there any area in my life where I am suffering from 'bitterness of soul'?"
Yeesh...be careful what you ask the Lord sometimes.
God started bringing to mind thing after thing after thing regarding my circumstances. He gently pointed out that, although these were not areas where I was bitter yet, they were areas where I had unresolved anger. And I know from past experience that anger that is not dealt with will just become bitterness.
So that night I sat and confessed to God all of the different things I was angry about (particularly the areas where I was angry with Him).
Since then, I feel like I have been constantly confessing areas where I have fallen short or areas where I have allowed anger to rise up again. And there are days when I feel so defeated and seriously wonder just how loveable I really am.
But then...God is faithful to remind me of His deep, deep love for me. And slowly that anger, resentment, sense of defeat, were all replaced with a sense of love, compassion, and gentleness that I couldn't define.
Things that I wouldn't have been able to experience if I hadn't cleared out the junk that was lurking in my heart first.
Promises I Am Trying to Cling To
1) God is in control.
Nothing that has happened over the course of this last year has caught Him by surprise. Although it may feel like I'm constantly being stretched to my breaking point and cannot bear up under the load that has been placed on me, He knows when to draw the line.
2) God will provide me strength when I am at my weakest.
This has been demonstrated through the people that He has brought into my life (like I mentioned above). It has also been shown when He brings a certain passage, lesson, or line from a song to my attention. Those seemingly tiny things can encourage me to take one more step and strengthen my spirit for one more moment.
3) God is able to do anything, no matter how hopeless the situation may seem.
This one is one of the biggest struggles. I am constantly having to remind myself that God can do anything. To the point where it's become a phrase that I have become numb to and casually dismiss.
But then, God brings to mind an area where I am not trusting His ability and I am brought to my knees and the cycle starts all over again. "God is able...God is able...God is able..."
4) Regardless of my circumstances, God is good.
This means that, even though He chooses to allow bad circumstances to happen, His character has not changed--He is still good. He is not a mean, spiteful, or vindictive Being, but a loving, faithful, forgiving One.
5) God can be fully trusted with the people and things that comprise my world.
To be perfectly honest, I can't help but feel that if I really trusted that God is in control, He has more than enough strength, He is able to anything and He is good, then it'd be far easier for me to entrust the people in my life (particularly my family) to Him.
At the Women of Faith Conference this past weekend, they played one of my favorite worship songs "Healer". I was trying to sing along, but stopped because I sensed questions rising up in my spirit (whether they were from God or they were my own is something I'm not sure about).
I believe You're my healer (Do you really?)
I believe You are all I need (Then why do you long for so many other things?)
I believe You're my portion (How much of your portion?)
I believe You're more than enough for me (Do you really?)
Jesus You're all I need
Nothing is impossible for You (Do you really believe that?)
Nothing is impossible
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands
It was when they sang "You hold my world in Your hands" that I broke. The realization that God truly does hold my world, those things and people that I hold near and dear, in His hands. And the realization that I didn't like what He was letting happen in my world. As though (as arrogant as it sounds), I could do a better job than He was doing.
That night, alone in my hotel room, I wrestled with God. I poured out a ton of ugly things from my heart and begged Him for answers to different things. I even wrote a question/fear that had been nagging at my heart:
If God chooses not to answer my prayer in the way that I want Him to, will I still see Him as good? I honestly don't know. And the thought scares and saddens me. Lord, show me Your good in the middle of this mess.
I was reminded of the head coach and his wife from "Facing the Giants". When they were struggling with their grief over realizing that it would be impossible for them to have a baby of their own, he asked her "Even if God doesn't give us a child, will you still love Him?" At the time, she didn't give him an answer.
But then, towards the end of the movie, when her last hope of pregnancy seems to be gone, she tells God that she has resolved to still love Him, regardless of whether or not that hope was going to be fulfilled.
There is a resolve there that I sensed in my own heart.
Even through all of the questioning, the doubt, the hurt, the pain, and everything else, I knew/know one thing. Lysa Terkeurst put it so eloquently in a Facebook post she made recently:
Real faith isn’t a hopeful wish. Real faith is making the decision that no matter the outcome, we’ll choose to see it as God’s perfect answer.Let me draw your attention to the part that stood out to me."We've decided it's better to have lived trying to take leaps of faith with God, than to walk away from Him."
Through the good. Through the not-so-good. And even through the down right awful- we will trust God. Now, this doesn’t mean we won’t cry and express hurt. But it does mean we’ve decided it’s better to have lived trying to take leaps of faith with God, than to walk away from Him.
The one thing I know for sure is that I do not wish to walk away from God. He has proven Himself time and time again. And I know that if I'm patient during this time, and stick with Him, doing whatever He asks me to do, He will do it yet again.
There is one final area where I'm trying to trust God:
That He would bring me joy in the midst of these circumstances.
Tonight, I had the privilege of attending a living room concert by Jon Troast. He's a pretty neat guy who loves going from house to house, sharing his music with others. One of the songs he did resonated with me. It was called "Joy".
But one line in particular resonated with me:
It's a constant choice
To say "I will rejoice"
Even when the tears are falling...
And my goodness, have the tears been falling lately. I am still trying to figure out what rejoicing in the midst of these tears looks like. But I am hopeful that God will show me.
Perhaps this blog entry is the start of Him showing me how to rejoice in the midst of the tears. To review the things that He has taught me and is still teaching me. To remind myself of all that He's done and remind my soul of all that He has promised to do.
It really is a constant choice...to choose to follow after God, not letting the circumstances dictate how I respond.
May I not only choose to say "I will rejoice", but may I actually rejoice.
The lyrics and a video for the song are below.
Joy
By Jon Troast
(from his album, With, To, From)
Joy
Joy tells me
to sing
Joy
Joy tells me
to sing
When I don’t
feel like I
can
Somewhere in
my heart
Joy strikes
up the band
And my voice
rings out
Singin’ “Hallelujah”
For the
morning
And my voice
rings out
Singin’ “Hallelujah”
Well, I don’t
know when
This night
will end
When it does
I’m gonna be singin’
Joy
Joy helps me
to sing
Joy
Joy helps me
to sing
When it
feels like
I’m all
alone
Somewhere in
the night
Joy picks up
the song
And my voice
rings out
Singin’ “Hallelujah”
For the
morning
And my voice
rings out
Singin’ “Hallelujah”
Well, I don’t
know when
This night
will end
When it does
I’m gonna be singin’…
To say “I
will rejoice”
Even when
the tears are falling
And my voice
rings out
Singin’ “Hallelujah”
For the
morning
And my voice
rings out
Singin’ “Hallelujah”
And my voice
rings out
Singin’ “Hallelujah”
For the
morning
Still my
voice rings out
Singin’ “Hallelujah”
Well I don’t
know when
This night
will end
When it does
I’m gonna be
When it does
I’m gonna be
When it does
I’m gonna be singin’
Monday, April 22, 2013
But while he was still a long way off...
This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel says:
"In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it..."
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
He rises to show you compassion.
For the Lord is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for Him!
~ Isaiah 30:15, 18 ~
"In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it..."
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
He rises to show you compassion.
For the Lord is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for Him!
~ Isaiah 30:15, 18 ~
Sovereign: Having supreme power, rank or authority. Greatest in degree; utmost or extreme. Being above all others in character, importance, excellence, etc... (swiped from http://www.dictionary.com)
Holy: Set apart. Specially recognized as or declared sacred by religious use or authority; consecrated.
Consecrated: To make or declare sacred; set apart or dedicated to the service of a deity. To devote or dedicate to some purpose.
Isaiah 30:15 is a verse that was suggested for further reflection at the end of chapter 3 of Stressed-Less Living by Tracie Miles.
This past weekend at the women's workshops that I attended, Christy Perez talked about the things that we need to weed out of our lives and then plant into our lives in order to live in a more godly (and compassionate) manner. When I read the above passage, it got me to thinking that repentance, rest, quietness and trust would all be things that God would want me to plant in the garden of my heart.
I was thinking about looking up the meaning of each of those words, but I decided to look up the adjectives describing God: sovereign and holy.
And there I was temporarily stuck.
It occurred to me that if I don't have at least a basic understanding of those two words, the rest of it (repentance, rest, quietness, and trust) would not come very easily...most likely not out of a heart that is responding to God as a sovereign being nor as a holy being.
There were several phrases for each of these definitions. I picked the ones that caught my eye or that I already knew.
The two that really grabbed my attention were: "Greatest in degeree; utmost or extreme" and "To devote or dedicate to some purpose".
The first one is definitely something that comes to mind when I think about God. And it's when I think of Him in those terms that I tend to feel a sense of separation from Him--as though on my own, I am not enough. I cannot relate to Him as I wish.
There are several places in the Bible that make this point painfully clear. The beginning of the book of Romans, for instance. Here's another:
Holy: Set apart. Specially recognized as or declared sacred by religious use or authority; consecrated.
Consecrated: To make or declare sacred; set apart or dedicated to the service of a deity. To devote or dedicate to some purpose.
Isaiah 30:15 is a verse that was suggested for further reflection at the end of chapter 3 of Stressed-Less Living by Tracie Miles.
This past weekend at the women's workshops that I attended, Christy Perez talked about the things that we need to weed out of our lives and then plant into our lives in order to live in a more godly (and compassionate) manner. When I read the above passage, it got me to thinking that repentance, rest, quietness and trust would all be things that God would want me to plant in the garden of my heart.
I was thinking about looking up the meaning of each of those words, but I decided to look up the adjectives describing God: sovereign and holy.
And there I was temporarily stuck.
It occurred to me that if I don't have at least a basic understanding of those two words, the rest of it (repentance, rest, quietness, and trust) would not come very easily...most likely not out of a heart that is responding to God as a sovereign being nor as a holy being.
There were several phrases for each of these definitions. I picked the ones that caught my eye or that I already knew.
The two that really grabbed my attention were: "Greatest in degeree; utmost or extreme" and "To devote or dedicate to some purpose".
The first one is definitely something that comes to mind when I think about God. And it's when I think of Him in those terms that I tend to feel a sense of separation from Him--as though on my own, I am not enough. I cannot relate to Him as I wish.
There are several places in the Bible that make this point painfully clear. The beginning of the book of Romans, for instance. Here's another:
Once you were alientaed from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior.
~ Colossians 1:21 ~
~ Colossians 1:21 ~
It doesn't get much clearer than that.
If God is at the extreme end of everything that is good and pure, then we (being His enemies) must be at the extreme end of everything that is bad and unclean.
But God offered us a way to be made clean--to become holy, as it were.
If God is at the extreme end of everything that is good and pure, then we (being His enemies) must be at the extreme end of everything that is bad and unclean.
But God offered us a way to be made clean--to become holy, as it were.
But now He has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death
to present you holy in His sight, without blemish and free from accusation...
~ Colossians 1:22 ~
to present you holy in His sight, without blemish and free from accusation...
~ Colossians 1:22 ~
It was through Christ's death that our debt for our sin was paid (Romans 3:23-26, 6:23) and we were made clean.
But there is a step that we, and we alone, must take.
Repentance: Deep sorrow, compunction, or contrition for a past sin, wrongdoing or the like...
Not so much one of our favorite words when we're not ready to let go of our sin. That one coupled with confession makes us cringe when we know that there is something there that we're just not quite ready to admit to or change in our lives.
My own area that I'm struggling with right now is with the TV and just how much TV I watch. It's something that I have had constantly going in the background while I doing my quiet time or while doing other things, trying to justify it by saying that i needed it on so that i had background noise of some sort.
But the truth is, it started occupying my thoughts far more than it should. And it would seep into my consciousness when I should have been focusing on God.
And for so long I have tried to deny that it's been a problem. When asked to, I half-heartedly repented of it. But that's the thing with repentance--it cannot ever really and truly be done half-heartedly.
I heard somewhere before that to repent means to do a U-turn--to turn around 180 degrees and not look back.
But that was something I kept doing--looking back. I haven't completely weeded that particular sin out of my heart.
And I'm sure there are several different reasons why...most of them relating to fear of some sort. Fear that I'll be bored, for one. Fear that I won't be able to relax any other way. Fear of what other things God would have me try to weed out of my life once that one is gone.
Just being honest.
Today, though, I was working on my lesson for next week's Joy book ("Stuck" by Jennie Allen) and she talked quite a bit about the idols we have in our life. And how, often, those idols are tied in with some sort of fear.
And while I have known for quite some time that my TV has been an idol in my life that I have needed to deal with, I haven't been ready to let go of the fear that I've felt.
But now, I think, I'm ready. A bit anxious about what I'm going to do with my free time, but ready just the same.
The thing that keeps coming to mind is the first part of Isaiah 30:18:
But there is a step that we, and we alone, must take.
Repentance: Deep sorrow, compunction, or contrition for a past sin, wrongdoing or the like...
Not so much one of our favorite words when we're not ready to let go of our sin. That one coupled with confession makes us cringe when we know that there is something there that we're just not quite ready to admit to or change in our lives.
My own area that I'm struggling with right now is with the TV and just how much TV I watch. It's something that I have had constantly going in the background while I doing my quiet time or while doing other things, trying to justify it by saying that i needed it on so that i had background noise of some sort.
But the truth is, it started occupying my thoughts far more than it should. And it would seep into my consciousness when I should have been focusing on God.
And for so long I have tried to deny that it's been a problem. When asked to, I half-heartedly repented of it. But that's the thing with repentance--it cannot ever really and truly be done half-heartedly.
I heard somewhere before that to repent means to do a U-turn--to turn around 180 degrees and not look back.
But that was something I kept doing--looking back. I haven't completely weeded that particular sin out of my heart.
And I'm sure there are several different reasons why...most of them relating to fear of some sort. Fear that I'll be bored, for one. Fear that I won't be able to relax any other way. Fear of what other things God would have me try to weed out of my life once that one is gone.
Just being honest.
Today, though, I was working on my lesson for next week's Joy book ("Stuck" by Jennie Allen) and she talked quite a bit about the idols we have in our life. And how, often, those idols are tied in with some sort of fear.
And while I have known for quite some time that my TV has been an idol in my life that I have needed to deal with, I haven't been ready to let go of the fear that I've felt.
But now, I think, I'm ready. A bit anxious about what I'm going to do with my free time, but ready just the same.
The thing that keeps coming to mind is the first part of Isaiah 30:18:
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
He rises to show you compassion...
He rises to show you compassion...
When I read that verse, it reminded me so strongly of the story of the prodigal son.
Each of us, like this young man, have tried to go our own way--seeking a way to live apart from our Heavenly Father. But there comes a point and time when we discover that those things that we were chasing after are really not the best things for us. In fact, they are the worst things for us. And we find ourselves desiring something more--a way for our needs and this gaping hole within us to be filled.
When the son was ready to repent, he said:
Each of us, like this young man, have tried to go our own way--seeking a way to live apart from our Heavenly Father. But there comes a point and time when we discover that those things that we were chasing after are really not the best things for us. In fact, they are the worst things for us. And we find ourselves desiring something more--a way for our needs and this gaping hole within us to be filled.
When the son was ready to repent, he said:
How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!
I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: "Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.
I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men."
~ Luke 15:17-19 ~
I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: "Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.
I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men."
~ Luke 15:17-19 ~
And the thing that gets me is that the father in this story didn't even need to hear what the son had to say.
But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
~ Luke 15:20b ~
~ Luke 15:20b ~
The son didn't even make it to the door--the father was that eager to show him his love and compassion. He was moved to action--wanting to celebrate the return of his son in a big way.
Historians say that the father's rush to greet his son was actually something that was considerd undignified in that day and age. He would have had to hike up his robes and undergarments to come racing towards the son, showing his lower legs (something that was frowned upon at that time). The extent of the affection that he showed his son when he embraced him would probably have been frowned upon as well, for it was far too much to be shown in public.
But he didn't care one iota.
All he wanted to do was show his son his love.
Just like the father longed for his son to return so that he could lavish his love upon him, God desires to do this with us even more.
That was something new I had learned last night from Louie Giglio--that the word "prodigal" actually means "lavish". And not just in the sense of overspending or extravagant/sinful lifestyle, but to the extreme of anything. As extravagant and costly as the son's lifestyle was, his father's was more so.
Historians say that the father's rush to greet his son was actually something that was considerd undignified in that day and age. He would have had to hike up his robes and undergarments to come racing towards the son, showing his lower legs (something that was frowned upon at that time). The extent of the affection that he showed his son when he embraced him would probably have been frowned upon as well, for it was far too much to be shown in public.
But he didn't care one iota.
All he wanted to do was show his son his love.
Just like the father longed for his son to return so that he could lavish his love upon him, God desires to do this with us even more.
That was something new I had learned last night from Louie Giglio--that the word "prodigal" actually means "lavish". And not just in the sense of overspending or extravagant/sinful lifestyle, but to the extreme of anything. As extravagant and costly as the son's lifestyle was, his father's was more so.
But the father said to his servants, "Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him.
Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate.
For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found."
~ Luke 15:22-24a ~
Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate.
For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found."
~ Luke 15:22-24a ~
Honestly, if I were the one writing this passage, there would have been exclamation points all over this dialogue, not just after the word "quick". :)
I honestly believe this is God's reaction whenever one of His children repents. He wants to celebrate that in a big way. Because coming from death--whether it be physical death, spiritual death, emotional death, relational death, or otherwise--to life is a big deal.
And somehow that reassurance hit me anew last night while Louie Giglio was speaking. That the angels in heaven rejoice just as much over my repentance after nearly 20 years of being a Christian as they do over someone else who has never been a Christian or believer.
The idea that repentance was even something to celebrate had never really entered my mind. Repentance is supposed to be this solemn affair and is traditionally treated as such.
But in God's eyes, it's something that is worth celebrating.
Big time!
Thursday, April 18, 2013
God grant me the serenity...
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
~ Reinhold Niebuhr ~
As I was working through listing those things that make me stressed, how I feel about them, how the problems have been affecting my life, and then considering whether or not I have the power/ability to change them, the above prayer jumped into my head.
There is so much truth packed into that little prayer. So many of the things that cause me great stress are those things that I cannot control.
I've been thinking an awful lot about responsibility lately. taking responsibility for our own choices is something that I think tends to get overlooked. For some reason, we tend to think that it's easier to play the blame game. And it's not something that is unique to my generation or even the younger generations--you see it way back with Adam and Eve after God asks Adam why he had sinned and was hiding in the garden:
"The woman YOU gave me!"
And then Eve isn't too far behind:
"It was the serpant!"
While I do want to hide when I make a bad choice and I do want to blame others, sometimes there is a feeling of cleansing that washes over me after I confess that I made the choice and try to accept the consequences for those actions.
Something that I have been struggling with a lot lately has been my schedule. I tend to overcommit myself to different things. It seems like every moment of every day is packed to the gills. This week would be a great example.
Sunday: Check on the place I'm housesitting before going to church (church from 9-10:30), meeting at a coffee shop from 11-12:30, Hanging out with a friend at her house from 12:30 until 4, hanging out with her at church from 4-6, checking on the place I'm housesitting from 6-6:30, rush home for dinner...and before I know it the day just disappears from me.
Monday: Work from 8:30 to 5. A relatively easy (and oddly free) day.
Tuesday: Work from 8:30 to 5. From 5-9 be at church for women's Bible study group
Wednesday: Work from 8:30 to 5. From 5-5:30 catch up on e-mails (sort of) and prepare slides for the music on Sunday morning. 5:30-6:30, training on how to start up and use the cameras at church for an event on Saturday. 6:30-9, small group...
You get the idea.
And this doesn't include the things that come in like my e-mail exploding with things for the workshops we're holding this weekend, or the things I do on my lunch break, like working on different Bible studies, running errands, eating, etc...
Ugh...my blood pressure is rising just thinking about it.
So, when it comes to things that I can change and taking responsibility, my schedule is definitely one thing that I could take better control over. While I cannot help things like people e-mailing me and trying to communicate different things, I can control whether or not I participate in those things. I can also control (to a degree) how I react to those things.
I can try to refocus myself by reminding myself of the bigger picture--that there is a purpose behind those things. Or I can choose to forget that and get bogged down in the smaller details.
And I've done enough special events to know that the week leading up to the actual event can be CRAZY.
So, knowing that this week could be nuts with the event coming up this weekend, I did a couple of things to help ease my burden.
I worked on my lesson for my Tuesday night Bible study last week when I had more free time.
I came home earlier than I normally would have from my friend's house so that I could work on some things tonight.
I worked on a couple of different things Monday, Tuesday, and last night so that I wouldn't be overwhelmed with so many last minute details.
But probably the best thing that I did this week?
I gave my schedule over to God.
And while this week has been a pretty insane week as far as my schedule goes--it hasn't been anywhere near as bad as it could have been.
I had a free night Monday night.
My training on Wednesday night ended early so I was actually able to make it to my small group (about a 15 minute drive from where my training was) not just on time, but 2 minutes early.
I actually have not been overwhelmed with all of the e-mails that have been coming in.
When I felt myself starting to get overwhelmed, I took a deep breath, prayed that God would help me to find peace and not go there, and then found that I had received an e-mail from someone checking in to see how I was doing. They were actually making sure that I was not getting overwhelmed and letting me know that they were praying for me in that area.
God is so good.
Something that God has been teaching me about this year has been to live with intent--to be purposeful in my interactions with others. Particularly to be purposeful with the time that I spend with them.
Little things like not just turning on the TV when my nephew comes over and watch a show with him (although that can be a good way to spend some time), but to actually interact with him by doing some sort of activity.
The last time we got together, we went to a movie together, but we also went to the park and played on the playground, we went and got ice cream, and we just spent time hanging out and talking.
I don't know who loved it more; him, or me.
You know, I didn't realize it, but there's far more to the serenity prayer than what most people quote. It's that last part that speaks to my heart about how I spend my time and how God wants me to use the time that I have been given with intent:
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
The verse that keeps popping into my head is one that we were asked to focus on this week.~ Reinhold Niebuhr ~
"So don't worry about these things, saying 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?' These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need. "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring it's own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."
~ Matthew 6:31-34
It's that last part--"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring it's own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today"--that keeps getting me.
So often when I get wrapped up in my overly scheduled life, I tend to forget that I'm supposed to be taking things one day at a time, one moment at a time. I'm not supposed to be worrying about what's coming next. I'm not supposed to be worrying about the hardships that come my way.
I'm supposed to trust that He will fulfill His promise that He will make all things work together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28) and that I am to live out the verse that I claim as my life verse:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight.
~ Proverbs 3:5,6 ~
When things don't seem to make sense and I have a difficult time accepting them, I need to return to the basics.
Committing my schedule and myself to God and trusting Him with the outcome. Remembering that, while I don't necessarily like the world as it is and how it interrupts my plans, there is a purpose in that and God is ultimately in control.
And in the meantime, enjoying every moment that I can and living each of those moments with intent.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Let me know the struggle ends...
This week began the start of a new Bible study for me. It's based out of a book called "Stressed-Less Living" by Tracie Miles. Something I immediately liked about the book was that it was "Stressed-Less"--meaning that we wouldn't be leading lives that were entirely free from stress, but that it would be lessened. Such a refreshing, realistic approach to life that I don't recall really seeing too much of before this book.
I need to confess, when I was first considering reading the book, I wasn't really sure about it. In fact, the idea of reading the book was kind of making me stress out.
Okay, more than kinda.
It was totally making me stress out.
But as I was praying about it and considering my options for this spring, I came to the conclusion that it might just be something I needed to read and that I didn't have to do every single thing that was listed as an activity for the online Bible study that I'm taking part in.
Not that the activities would not be good things to do--it was just that I needed to take into consideration that if the idea of doing the activities was causing more stress, it would probably be counterproductive in my pursuit of living a less-stressed life.
And somehow, I didn't think that the people running the study intended for their ideas to be a burden.
But you know what I have found out this week as we have been beginning the study?
I have been eager to take part in reading the book and answering the questions, as well as taking part in the other activities that have been going on (so far) with the study.
This week also marked the beginning of a new session at our women's Bible study group. We're taking a look at the book "Stuck" by Jennie Allen. In that study, Jennie asks us to take a look at different areas of our lives where we feel the most...well, stuck.
As I've been thinking about those areas in my life where I feel like I either keep returning to the same problems (repeating them over and over again) or I cannot seem to make any sort of headway, it occurred to me that those areas of my life are the same areas that often cause me the most stress.
Go figure.
My finances.
My workplace.
At times, my family life and relationships...
And so much more...
These are all areas where I feel stuck and I find I struggle with stress.
This first chapter was interesting and a bit of a challenge for me to read. There were a couple of points that Tracie made that I thought were really eye-opening for me.
The first (and probably most significant one) was the idea that I needed to take responsibility for those areas where my choices have led to feelings of stress, anxiety, and just a general state of being overwhelmed.
There are areas where I accept that fact more easily than other areas. For instance, when it comes to my finances, I'm the only one that spends the money that goes into my account. Therefore, I'm the only to blame when I spend too much or get myself into trouble.
That particular area is one that I have just resigned myself to accepting the blame.
And yes, occasionally, doing so has led me to condemn myself or feel frustrated that I can never seem to get out of the pit that I've dug for myself. But, at the same time, there is a bit of reassurance that comes with knowing that it is within my power to change that.
But there are other areas of my life where I struggle with stress (particularly when it comes to managing my time) and it didn't down on me until recently that a lot of it is of my own doing.
With regards to managing my time, it usually is because I have overcommitted myself (just ask anyone who knows me well, this is a dangerous habit of mine). But some of it is outside of my control. Things like when two groups that I'm part of decide to schedule meetings on the same day or even at the same time.
Throw in the extra factor of me having something that I am already committed to happening at the same time as the two other things (like last week when two committes I was part of wanted to meet at the same time my small group is held).
Can you say STRESSED?
It was only recently that I finally started to speak up and say that I couldn't make those things because I had a prior commitment. More importantly, I finally came to a point where I decided that if they were going to meet at a time when I couldn't make it, then I probably didn't need to be at that meeting or (if necessary) I could find some other way to get the information that was discussed.
This decision was not made out of a sense of not caring about the groups that I was part of, nor out of some sort of selfish thought like "Well, if they can't accomodate me and the times I'm available, then I don't want to be part of it"...but rather it was out of the realization that something needed to be done to reduce my stress levels. In order to do that, I just flat-out needed to say "No" to something.
And honestly, while I was struggling with it initially (feeling guilty about not being there and not demonstrating what I thought was 100% commitment), it really led me to a place where I began to feel a sense of peace about the decision I had made.
And I really think that was God's way of honoring the decision that I had made.
The story of Mary and Martha from Luke keeps running through my head. And how Jesus told Mary that martha was doing the "one thing" that was needed--spending time at Jesus' feet.
So many times we multitask and end up spreading ourselves too thin, thinking that we are far more efficient and better when we accomplish many things at one time.
But the truth of the matter is, while we may be able to do a bunch of things at once and complete them, the work that we do is not necessarily our best work.
And that is not what God wants from us.
So often lately I've heard people say that they can either do a few things at one time--and have those things be done half-heartedly and poorly, or they can do one thing at a time and do it well.
And that, I think, is what God wants from us.
He would rather have us do one thing well than have us do a hundred things poorly.
As I was thinking about this, something that I came to realize is just how much help I need in this area of my life.
Lately I have been worn down and tired. Easily and thoroughly distracted. Not really able to do anything very well. And I've been cranky to boot.
Making me *sarcasm* oh so fun *end sarcasm* to be around.
And the stress from being cranky, worn out, exhausted, distracted, and unable to do anything well has only exacerbated the problem and made me that much more cranky, worn out, exhausted, distracted...etc...
Thereby making me feel like I'm stuck and forced to live out a stress-filled life.
But the thing that Tracie kept pointing out in this first chapter of "Stressed-Less Living" was that we do not need to live a stress-filled life. In fact, God does not want that for us. There is a reason why our bodies react negatively to that kind of living--God made it that way as a warning sign to us that we should be doing something different.
As I got to thinking about my desire to become un-stuck from this stress-filled life, and moving into a less-stressed life, the lines from this song came to mind:
(I'm worn)
My prayers are wearing thin
(Yeah, I'm worn)
Even before the day begins
(Yeah, I'm worn)
I've lost my will to fight
(Yeah, I'm worn)
So heaven come and fill my eyes
Let me know redemption wins
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart
That's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside
Can be reborn
Cuz I'm worn...
There are days where my prayers don't seem to be very effective and I'm just flat-out tired of trying to cope with everything that has been coming my way. The hardest times for me can be the mornings--I just want to hole up in my room sometimes and not face the outside world. A bit reminiscent of the idea of a child that thinks hiding under the covers can keep everything that's bad at bay.
What I love about this song is that throughout each of the verses, the singer is reminding himself of what God can do in a situation.
Redemption does win.
The struggle will end.
Your frail and torn heart can be mended.
A song can rise from the ashes of a broken life.
And God is most definitely in the business of resurrecting dead things.
But the key is, we have to take a step back and let Him.
We have to come to the realization that we are weak and admit that we are unable to control everything that is happening in our world. We have to recognize that He is the one that can ultimately control our situation. And we have to also realize that there are some things in our lives that we need to take responsibility for, confess before God, and then turn it all over to Him.
It is only then that we can know His peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:6,7).
It is only then that we can understand that His strength is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).
And it is only then that we can find reassurance in His promises, like in Isaiah 41:10:
I need to confess, when I was first considering reading the book, I wasn't really sure about it. In fact, the idea of reading the book was kind of making me stress out.
Okay, more than kinda.
It was totally making me stress out.
But as I was praying about it and considering my options for this spring, I came to the conclusion that it might just be something I needed to read and that I didn't have to do every single thing that was listed as an activity for the online Bible study that I'm taking part in.
Not that the activities would not be good things to do--it was just that I needed to take into consideration that if the idea of doing the activities was causing more stress, it would probably be counterproductive in my pursuit of living a less-stressed life.
And somehow, I didn't think that the people running the study intended for their ideas to be a burden.
But you know what I have found out this week as we have been beginning the study?
I have been eager to take part in reading the book and answering the questions, as well as taking part in the other activities that have been going on (so far) with the study.
This week also marked the beginning of a new session at our women's Bible study group. We're taking a look at the book "Stuck" by Jennie Allen. In that study, Jennie asks us to take a look at different areas of our lives where we feel the most...well, stuck.
As I've been thinking about those areas in my life where I feel like I either keep returning to the same problems (repeating them over and over again) or I cannot seem to make any sort of headway, it occurred to me that those areas of my life are the same areas that often cause me the most stress.
Go figure.
My finances.
My workplace.
At times, my family life and relationships...
And so much more...
These are all areas where I feel stuck and I find I struggle with stress.
This first chapter was interesting and a bit of a challenge for me to read. There were a couple of points that Tracie made that I thought were really eye-opening for me.
The first (and probably most significant one) was the idea that I needed to take responsibility for those areas where my choices have led to feelings of stress, anxiety, and just a general state of being overwhelmed.
There are areas where I accept that fact more easily than other areas. For instance, when it comes to my finances, I'm the only one that spends the money that goes into my account. Therefore, I'm the only to blame when I spend too much or get myself into trouble.
That particular area is one that I have just resigned myself to accepting the blame.
And yes, occasionally, doing so has led me to condemn myself or feel frustrated that I can never seem to get out of the pit that I've dug for myself. But, at the same time, there is a bit of reassurance that comes with knowing that it is within my power to change that.
But there are other areas of my life where I struggle with stress (particularly when it comes to managing my time) and it didn't down on me until recently that a lot of it is of my own doing.
With regards to managing my time, it usually is because I have overcommitted myself (just ask anyone who knows me well, this is a dangerous habit of mine). But some of it is outside of my control. Things like when two groups that I'm part of decide to schedule meetings on the same day or even at the same time.
Throw in the extra factor of me having something that I am already committed to happening at the same time as the two other things (like last week when two committes I was part of wanted to meet at the same time my small group is held).
Can you say STRESSED?
It was only recently that I finally started to speak up and say that I couldn't make those things because I had a prior commitment. More importantly, I finally came to a point where I decided that if they were going to meet at a time when I couldn't make it, then I probably didn't need to be at that meeting or (if necessary) I could find some other way to get the information that was discussed.
This decision was not made out of a sense of not caring about the groups that I was part of, nor out of some sort of selfish thought like "Well, if they can't accomodate me and the times I'm available, then I don't want to be part of it"...but rather it was out of the realization that something needed to be done to reduce my stress levels. In order to do that, I just flat-out needed to say "No" to something.
And honestly, while I was struggling with it initially (feeling guilty about not being there and not demonstrating what I thought was 100% commitment), it really led me to a place where I began to feel a sense of peace about the decision I had made.
And I really think that was God's way of honoring the decision that I had made.
The story of Mary and Martha from Luke keeps running through my head. And how Jesus told Mary that martha was doing the "one thing" that was needed--spending time at Jesus' feet.
So many times we multitask and end up spreading ourselves too thin, thinking that we are far more efficient and better when we accomplish many things at one time.
But the truth of the matter is, while we may be able to do a bunch of things at once and complete them, the work that we do is not necessarily our best work.
And that is not what God wants from us.
So often lately I've heard people say that they can either do a few things at one time--and have those things be done half-heartedly and poorly, or they can do one thing at a time and do it well.
And that, I think, is what God wants from us.
He would rather have us do one thing well than have us do a hundred things poorly.
As I was thinking about this, something that I came to realize is just how much help I need in this area of my life.
Lately I have been worn down and tired. Easily and thoroughly distracted. Not really able to do anything very well. And I've been cranky to boot.
Making me *sarcasm* oh so fun *end sarcasm* to be around.
And the stress from being cranky, worn out, exhausted, distracted, and unable to do anything well has only exacerbated the problem and made me that much more cranky, worn out, exhausted, distracted...etc...
Thereby making me feel like I'm stuck and forced to live out a stress-filled life.
But the thing that Tracie kept pointing out in this first chapter of "Stressed-Less Living" was that we do not need to live a stress-filled life. In fact, God does not want that for us. There is a reason why our bodies react negatively to that kind of living--God made it that way as a warning sign to us that we should be doing something different.
As I got to thinking about my desire to become un-stuck from this stress-filled life, and moving into a less-stressed life, the lines from this song came to mind:
(I'm worn)
My prayers are wearing thin
(Yeah, I'm worn)
Even before the day begins
(Yeah, I'm worn)
I've lost my will to fight
(Yeah, I'm worn)
So heaven come and fill my eyes
Let me know redemption wins
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart
That's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside
Can be reborn
Cuz I'm worn...
There are days where my prayers don't seem to be very effective and I'm just flat-out tired of trying to cope with everything that has been coming my way. The hardest times for me can be the mornings--I just want to hole up in my room sometimes and not face the outside world. A bit reminiscent of the idea of a child that thinks hiding under the covers can keep everything that's bad at bay.
What I love about this song is that throughout each of the verses, the singer is reminding himself of what God can do in a situation.
Redemption does win.
The struggle will end.
Your frail and torn heart can be mended.
A song can rise from the ashes of a broken life.
And God is most definitely in the business of resurrecting dead things.
But the key is, we have to take a step back and let Him.
We have to come to the realization that we are weak and admit that we are unable to control everything that is happening in our world. We have to recognize that He is the one that can ultimately control our situation. And we have to also realize that there are some things in our lives that we need to take responsibility for, confess before God, and then turn it all over to Him.
It is only then that we can know His peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:6,7).
It is only then that we can understand that His strength is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).
And it is only then that we can find reassurance in His promises, like in Isaiah 41:10:
Don't be afraid, for I am with you.
Don't be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
For those of us who are worn, tired of being stuck, and in the grip of stress, God will provide the help we need right when we need it. He will give us the strength we need to get through that circumstance. He will give us courage--knowing that He is with us in the midst of the things that worry us the most. And He will give us encouragement when we rest in the knowledge that He is God--holy, all-powerful, completely-in-control, God.
Worn
As sung by Tenth Avenue North
I'm tired and worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul is crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
from the ashes of a broken life
and all that's dead inside
can be reborn
Cuz I'm worn
I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
from the ashes of a broken life
and all that's dead inside
can be reborn
(I'm worn)
My prayers are wearing thin
(Yeah, I'm worn)
Even before the day begins
(Yeah, I'm worn)
I've lost my will to fight
(Yeah, I'm worn)
So heaven come and fill my eyes
Let me know redemption wins
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart
That's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside
Can be reborn
Yes, all that's dead inside
will be reborn
Well, I'm worn...
Yeah, I'm worn
Tuesday, January 01, 2013
No-Spend January (*gulp*)
So, my small group has a challenge they have issued to us for the first month of the new year. We are declaring this month to be a "No Spend Month" (NSM).
Honestly? I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this. I'm dreading it and I'm looking forward to it all at the same time. Looking forward to it because I know my finances are something I desperately need to work on. And yet I'm dreading it because I know my finances are something I desperately need work on. :)
Ain't that the way it goes?
We'll be taking a look at the book "Managing God's Money" by Randy Alcorn (author of "The Treasure Principle") as a small group as well, to help give us some guidance and teach us how to be better stewards of the money/resources we are given.
In researching a little bit from a blog I was given (http://smallnotebook.org/2010/07/01/the-no-spend-month/) it seems like the gist of it was that they would not have a total "No-spend" month, but they would severely limit the amount of discretionary spending that takes place (gas, groceries, clothing, household expenses, eating out/entertainment, etc...). The household bills (electricity, mortgage payment/rent, phone, etc...) were not part of the budget that they had (although it turns out they did significantly reduce their phone bill after they completed their no-spend month).
I'm trying to figure out what a no-spend month looks like for me. Because my life situation is a bit different, there are some things that I know I am going to adapt.
So, for now, here is what I have defined as my absolute necessities (in other words, bills that must be paid):
Perhaps it should be something like $100.00 ($50 from each pay check). I can withdraw the money as cash and once it's gone, it's gone.
Some things I am trying to take into account for my discretionary spending:
In the mean time, I will be tracking my spending diligently in Quicken (making sure to update it at least once a week). We'll see how this works!
Honestly? I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this. I'm dreading it and I'm looking forward to it all at the same time. Looking forward to it because I know my finances are something I desperately need to work on. And yet I'm dreading it because I know my finances are something I desperately need work on. :)
Ain't that the way it goes?
We'll be taking a look at the book "Managing God's Money" by Randy Alcorn (author of "The Treasure Principle") as a small group as well, to help give us some guidance and teach us how to be better stewards of the money/resources we are given.
In researching a little bit from a blog I was given (http://smallnotebook.org/2010/07/01/the-no-spend-month/) it seems like the gist of it was that they would not have a total "No-spend" month, but they would severely limit the amount of discretionary spending that takes place (gas, groceries, clothing, household expenses, eating out/entertainment, etc...). The household bills (electricity, mortgage payment/rent, phone, etc...) were not part of the budget that they had (although it turns out they did significantly reduce their phone bill after they completed their no-spend month).
I'm trying to figure out what a no-spend month looks like for me. Because my life situation is a bit different, there are some things that I know I am going to adapt.
So, for now, here is what I have defined as my absolute necessities (in other words, bills that must be paid):
- Tithe
- Compassion Child sponsorship
- Rent
- Cell phone
- Car payment
- Credit card
- Medical bills (I know of at least one that will be due this month)
- Groceries
- Gas (this depends largely on how much I drive, so I will be monitoring this pretty closely)
- Netflix membership (I actually use this pretty consistently and am on one of the cheapest plans available)
- Gym membership (I plan on making a more conscious effort to use this one)
Perhaps it should be something like $100.00 ($50 from each pay check). I can withdraw the money as cash and once it's gone, it's gone.
Some things I am trying to take into account for my discretionary spending:
- There are a couple of birthdays this month and one very early on in February (one for a friend's child...I already have the gift for that. The other birthday in January is for a dear friend. My oldest nephew's birthday falls between the end of January and my first paycheck in February, so some planning will need to be done)
- A family expo that I wanted to attend (I would have to pay admission)
- I'm *hoping* that our church's off-site coffee shop/ministry will open up this month and would love to be able to go and take part in celebrating that by buying a cup of tea or hot chocolate or something small like that.
- There will (most likely) be a couple of nights where I will not have enough time between getting off from work and my next activity to come home, fix something to eat, and then go again. Those nights I plan on either bringing a meal/snack from home or (if the budget allows) grabbing something fast (and cheap) to eat
- Manipulating it so that someone else would pay for me (like reminding them that I'm not supposed to spend the money and then guilt-tripping them into paying for whatever we were going to do)
- Using gift cards and/or store credit (while I know it's money that does not come directly out of my pocket, it is still money and would defeat the purpose of this exercise)
In the mean time, I will be tracking my spending diligently in Quicken (making sure to update it at least once a week). We'll see how this works!
Experiences
Below is the text for the devotional/teaching that I did at Joy in the Evening this past fall. Just one piece of background information before moving into it: We were asked to speak on different aspects of how God shapes and molds us, based on the acronym given in "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. The acronym is this:
- S - Spiritual Gifts
- H - Heart (or passions)
- A - Abilities
- P - Personality
- E - Experiences
One final note--this devotional was very much an exercise of how God works "in spite of". If I could relay all of the obstacles that came up while preparing this message, I would. But I don't want that to be the focus. The focus should be on how God worked in spite of all of those obstacles.
He continues to amaze me with how He makes a way for us to follow the dreams that He has implanted in our hearts. Even the ones that we thought were long dead and gone.
*****
In the process of developing this talk for you, there
were several things that I wanted to share with you about. Things like how our experiences are really what ties everything else (our Spiritual Gifts, Heart & it's passions, Abilities, and Personality) together. How our experiences are our way to test out the things that God has given us and help mold us into the people we were meant to be. How, in God's economy, there is no such thing as a wasted experience. But God had something a little different in
mind.
Living Out Our
Gifts
Tonight, we are going to be taking a look at one of the
women in the Bible and some of her key experiences with a prophet named Elisha.
We find their story in 2 Kings, chapter
4.
8 One day Elisha went to Shunem.
And a well-to-do woman was there, who urged him to stay for a meal. So whenever
he came by, he stopped there to eat.9 She said to her husband, “I
know that this man who often comes our way is a holy man of God.10 Let’s
make a small room on the roof and put in it a bed and a table, a chair and a
lamp for him. Then he can stay there whenever he comes to us.”
~ 2 Kings 4:8-10
Now, it was pretty common in those days
for prophets to travel from place to place, giving God’s message. While traveling, they often relied on the
kindness of others to feed and shelter them.
But take a look at the passage again—it says that she
told her husband that they should go ahead and open up a specific room in their
home to Elisha. Something special that
is set aside just for him. This was
going above and beyond the call of duty.
Now many of you who have the gift of hospitality are
probably thinking “What’s the big deal?
If I had the means and resources,
that’s what I’d do if I had someone come by and visit often.”
And if you were to ask her, she would probably say the
same thing. But as we have been learning
over the course of this session, some of the things that we think come
naturally to us and think that everyone should do as well are actually special
skills, traits, and giftings that God has placed within us.
This is where the Shunammite woman is when we find
her. Working through each day of her
life, exercising her gifts, but not really giving thought to the fact that God
has something more in store—just for her.
Everything’s
“Fine”
Take a look at the next part of the passage:
11
One day when Elisha came, he went up to his room and lay down there. 12
He said to his servant Gehazi, “Call the Shunammite.” So he called her,
and she stood before him. 13 Elisha said to him, “Tell her, ‘You
have gone to all this trouble for us. Now what can be done for you? Can we
speak on your behalf to the king or the commander of the army?’”
She
replied, “I have a home among my own people.”
~ 2 Kings 4:11-13
When I have read this passage in the past, there were two
things that I thought were strange.
Number 1, Elisha and the fact that he chose not to speak directly to the
woman. In Jewish culture at that time,
it was considered taboo for a man to speak directly to a woman, particularly if
one or both of them were married. So in
a way, this complicated game of telephone was Elisha’s way of respecting that
law.
Also, I often thought that she gave a strange response to
his question. “I have a home among my
own people.” What is that supposed to
mean?
From what I could find, it’s simply her way of saying
“It’s all good…My needs are all met. I’m
just fine.”
Oh, how I hate that word.
In our house, that’s code for “DANGER!”
But oh, how I say that word so very often in response to
others when they ask me how things are going.
Or, like in this case, if they can do anything for me.
Sometimes when we get going in life and think that all of
our needs are being met, we lose sight of just how needy we really are. And when opportunities come up where someone
would like to serve us in some capacity, rather than saying “Yes, please, this
is how you can help…” we instead turn them away saying what my nephew says: “I
good. I got it.”
It is during those times where everything seems to be
“fine” that we need to stop and examine ourselves by asking a few questions.
1)
Is everything truly “fine”? Because if we are being really honest with
ourselves, we will probably find that it is not.
2)
Am I saying “I got it” because of pride and I really
don’t think I need any help? Or is there
some way (even a small way) that they can help me?
3)
By my saying “No,” am I denying them an
opportunity to exercise their gifts and gain some experiences they can use
later on in serving others?
In answer to the first question, I’ll confess I’m one of
those people who would tell you that everything is fine and my needs are all
met because I am (at times) content to stay blind to certain things that are
really not okay in my life. This is often because things that are not okay take
time and energy (particularly emotional energy) to deal with and I don’t want
to go through all of that.
Sometimes saying “I’m fine” is a way for me to cope with
something that I have resigned myself to—something that isn’t good but I don’t
see how the situation could get any better or be any different.
But, at times, it is a matter of pride for me. I want to prove I can handle different things
that are thrown into my path and that I can do things better or faster than
others.
But here is something that I am learning—particularly
with regards to having 3 year-olds in my life—when I say “No”, I’m not only
denying myself an opportunity to be humble and show that I need help from time
to time and that needing help is okay.
I’m also denying that person an opportunity to learn and grow.
While I try to justify denying them this opportunity by claiming
I can do it faster without their help or it will never be done right if I don’t
do it myself, that really isn’t the best way to go about it.
As God has been working with me on this, I’ve come to the
realization thatI don’t want to be the one to tell someone else “No” out of
pride or a lack of authenticity because in doing so, it actually can do some
things to them that can be extremely detrimental to their growth.
1)
It can make them feel that they are not needed
or have nothing good to offer
2)
It can make them reluctant to try again
(especially if you are saying no in an ungracious manner)
3)
It can cause them to resent the way God designed
them and make them try to live in a way that contradicts the SHAPE that God has
for them (causing them to want gifts or abilities that they just don’t have and
were never meant to have)
Let me ask you—is this something that has happened to
you? Can you see how this has played out
in your life, whether you were the one denying someone else the opportunity (like
the Shunammite woman was here) or someone else was denying you an opportunity?
Unwanted “Gifts”
Remember, the Shunammite woman has told Elisha that she
doesn’t need anything—that it’s all good in her ‘hood (so to speak). But Elisha is a persistent man.
14
“What can be done for her?” Elisha asked.
Gehazi
said, “Well, she has no son and her husband is old.”
15
Then Elisha said, “Call her.” So he called her, and she stood in the
doorway. 16 “About this time next year,” Elisha said, “you will hold
a son in your arms.”
“No,
my lord,” she objected. “Don’t mislead your servant, O man of God!”
~ 2
Kings 4:14-15
At first, I was a little taken aback at reading her
response. My understanding of Jewish
culture at that time is that a woman’s worth was judged based on how many kids
she can bear. Especially sons, who would
(ideally) be able to take care of her needs, should her husband pass away.
There could be a lot of different reasons for that kind
of response from her. She could have
tried having kids in the past and (for one reason or another) was not able
to. Those experiences may have been
painful for her and she might not have been willing to try again because they
had been so hard.
Maybe she was scared of losing the child—perhaps she had
gone through several miscarriages and knew the pain that came with that kind of
a loss.
In spite of her objections, God fulfilled the prophecy
spoken through Elisha. The woman did
become pregnant and gave birth to a son.
But then (perhaps just as she had feared) something
tragic happened.
Coping with
Shattered Dreams
The Bible tells us that her son was out in the field with
his father, when he started complaining that his head hurt. His father had him brought in from the field
and taken to the Shunnamite woman. The
child passed away in her arms. She went
and set him on the bed in Elisha’s room and then set out in search of Elisha.
Let’s pick up the story from here…
27
When she reached the man of God at the mountain, she took hold of his
feet. Gehazi came over to push her away, but the man of God said, “Leave her
alone! She is in bitter distress, but the Lord has hidden it from me and has
not told me why.”
28
“Did I ask you for a son, my lord?” she said. “Didn’t I tell you, ‘Don’t
raise my hopes’?”
~ 2
Kings 4:27-28
Can you sense the heartbreak? Can you sense the anger?
One time when Beth Moore was sharing on this particular
passage, she said there are times in our lives where we say “If I can’t keep
the gift, I’d rather not have it at all.”
The pain, the sorrow, and the hardship are all too much for us to try
and deal with, should a time come when the gift is taken away from us.
You and I may have been given dreams of some sort. Something that we absolutely would love to
do—something that ignites our passions, falls in line with our abilities and
personalities, and helps us to exercise our spiritual gifts in a meaningful
way. And things may be going very well
for quite some time. We may be thoroughly loving it. But then something comes and robs us of that
thing. Something comes along and steals
our joy or (as LysaTerkeurst puts it), “Bumps into our happy.”
And suddenly we feel like it would have been better for
us, had we never known what that experience was like. It would have been easier for us. And we would have been content to live our
existence where everything seemed just “fine”.
But that is not what God wants for us.
And that, my friends, is what we have to
trust--especially during those times when things are not going as we had hoped.
I think that (aside from wanting to lash out at someone) this
trust is what drove the Shunammite woman to Elisha’s side. She knew he was a prophet of God. She had sensed there was something authentic
in his faith. And she knew that he, of
all people, could do something to help her in her time of need.
Resurrecting The
Dream
Her dream was dead—literally. But, thank the Lord, God is in the business
of resurrecting dead things.
29
Elisha said to Gehazi, “Tuck your cloak into your belt, take my staff in
your hand and run. If you meet anyone, do not greet him, and if anyone greets
you, do not answer. Lay my staff on the boy’s face.”
30
But the child’s mother said, “As surely as the Lord lives and as you
live, I will not leave you.” So he got up and followed her.
31
Gehazi went on ahead and laid the staff on the boy’s face, but there was
no sound or response. So Gehazi went back to meet Elisha and told him, “The boy
has not awakened.”
32
When Elisha reached the house, there was the boy lying dead on his couch.
33 He went in, shut the door on the two of them and prayed to the
Lord. 34 Then he got on the bed and lay upon the boy, mouth to
mouth, eyes to eyes, hands to hands. As he stretched himself out upon him, the
boy’s body grew warm. 35 Elisha turned away and walked back and
forth in the room and then got on the bed and stretched out upon him once more.
The boy sneezed seven times and opened his eyes.
~ 2
Kings 4:29-35
The Shunammite woman’s dream of
having a son had been revived. And I
would hazard a guess that she would say the gift of his life was more precious
to her, having lost him before, than it had been prior to that moment. And she wouldn’t have traded the hardship
that she had gone through for anything else.
Perhaps you are at a point in your life where everything
is “fine”. You don’t feel like you need
anything from others or you have nothing special to offer. Life, for the most part, seems to be going
along okay. So why try anything new? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Maybe you’re like the Shunammite woman,
having resigned yourself to the idea that nothing was ever going to change and
you have managed to convince yourself that it would be okay.
But perhaps there is this little whisper in your heart, a
small voice that is telling you “There has to be more than this.”
Maybe you are at a point in your life where you have
tried exercising your gifts and have been denied in one way or another. Maybe you have been given some sort of gift
and then suddenly had it ripped from your hands. Maybe
the pain from that denial or that separation has left you so bound up that you
have resolved not to try again.
But there is something inside of you that knows that
something isn’t quite right—that you aren’t meant to be bound up in those
chains.
Tonight, I want to offer you what I think of as a grace
moment. Here is your chance to get rid
of the things that have been keeping you back from fully living out your
shape. Take the opportunity to embrace
the gifts that God has given you in your Spiritual Gifts, your Heart and its
passions, your Abilities, your Personality, and even in your Experiences (good,
bad, or otherwise).
God has been walking me through this process of taking
those things that I have experienced and using them as lessons. Taking those old, shattered dreams and
breathing new life into them. I would
like to share with you a song that has been encouraging to me in this process.
While the song is playing, please take some time to
reflect on what God is trying to say to you.
If you feel the need, the front will be open for you to come and
respond. If you feel like you need to
talk to someone about what God is showing you or would just like someone to
pray with you, there are leaders at the back of the fellowship hall who would
love to do that with you.
Normally, I would say that you can stay in your seat as
well. There are some people who may not
be moved at this moment by this message.
But if you’re one
of those people who are bound up by fear of some sort—be it fear of
experiencing that kind of pain again, fear of failure, even fear of success…know
that you are in a safe place. I dare...scratch that, I triple-dog dare you...(and you know that you can't back down from a triple-dog dare) you
to break out of that comfort zone. Know
that you can do it. That you can move
out of the existence of “Fine” and step out in faith.
By Group 1 Crew
(from their
album Fearless)
I feel called
to something more
Beyond what I
have known
I keep shutting
out that voice that cries
Deep within my
soul
"I have
more to give"
But I have been
afraid
And then I hear
You say
It's still not
too late
I'm steppin'
out to take a chance
and if I fly or
if I fall
It's in Your
hands
You're the
maker of my dreams
And You'll make
a way for me
So I'm steppin'
out
I'm steppin'
out
To take a
chance
To take a
chance
I'm alive, I
want to live
And I am not
content
To keep holding
back all that I am
The way that I
have been
I am Yours to
use
And when I am
afraid
You'll come
close to say
"One step
is all it takes"
CHORUS
I believe in
the grace You've shown me
I believe in
the words You say
I believe
there's an untold story
That You're
telling through me
I believe in
the grace You've shown me
I believe in
the words You say
I believe
there's an untold story
That You're
telling through me
CHORUS
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